8 Reasons why being in a band is like being in a Long Term Relationship

Being in band can be intense at times. It's been one of those months, and sometimes I've wondered if life would be easier if we just cut out the middle man and married each other. Yes, it would mean a trip to Utah to legalise a five-way-wedding, but Utah is right next to Vegas - which would make for one hell of a honeymoon! Here's my list of 8 reasons why being in a band can sometimes feel like you're in a long term relationship - with four other people.



1. Borrowing each other's stuff without asking.


If I had a dollar for every time I'd gone in my case to find my tuner, lead, 9 volt, spare string, whatever..... only to find it missing or not how I left it, I would be very rich indeed. But, I give as good as I get and at present, only 75% of the strings on my guitar were paid for with my money. So, that one balances itself out!





2. Knowing where each other is, every day of the week!

Keeping track of each other has it's merits; it's hard to book a gig if you don't know if everyone's available and that expensive rehearsal room won't be free just because you left it to sit empty for a week. Having to put in for your three day trip to visit your family home six months in advance is pushing though - so watch out for control freaks!


3. You have "mutual friends".

If your band gigs regularly, chances are you'll meet each others friends. Meet them often enough and they'll become yours too. I recently went through my Facebook friends list to send out invites to a gig, and discovered to my horror that I knew less than twenty people in my area who weren't mutual friends of "Insert Band Name Here".



Those twenty event invites went a long way to getting the numbers up at our gig - NOT!!!

4. Arguments about money.

The music industry is an industry and it requires an input of cash from somewhere. Whenever it requires a cash injection from you; be it expensive studio fees, band merchandising costs, or top quality CD pressings, try not to argue about it! Like a relationship, it only slows things down and wastes energy.

Unlike a relationship, the making up afterwards is nowhere near as good!

5. Spending way too much time together.

When a group of creative types work well together, it can be hard to switch off and tune out for a while. In my current situation, musical matters get discussed nearly everyday. There's trips to the pub to check out other bands, weekly rehearsals, gigs at least once a week, piling into each others living rooms for an emergency song writing session......a night off just doesn't seem to exist. But if your band are buddies, being in constant demand can be one of the best things! Just watch out if your significant other asks you flat out if you're still in a relationship and feels the needs to add "with just the two of us?"

6.  Meeting the family.

When your band gets to the level where it needs the kind of time commitment a full-time job would, it's only natural your paths will cross with each other's families. This is also a big plus in my book; especially if you're a mixed gender band. Some of my band buddies Mrs's are my best friends and all those late nights and absent weekends won't raise any suspicious eyebrows if partners are kept in the mix.

7. Moving in together - sort of.

If things start to hot up with your musical act, it's only a matter of time until you have to expand your horizons and play gigs outside of your home town. When this happens, you may find yourself sharing a car, a hotel room, or even a tour bus with them. It's these times in the lifespan of a band when you discover just how small a drummers bladder can really be, and wonder whether or not you should just stick your finger up there yourself to see how inflamed that prostate is really getting.








8. Celebrating significant life events together. 

Just like that scene from Guns N' Roses "November Rain", you may find yourself tearing up at the sight of one of your bandies getting married. This has happened to me twice and has been the only two moments in my life when it's been remotely acceptable for me to compare myself to Slash.

For better or worse, for richer or poorer, being in a band is one of life's most awesome adventures and I wouldn't change it for the world!

When Did This Become OK?; Just Shut Up and Take My Money!

Ok, so when did behaviour like this become ok?

On Facebook, I'm clearly marked out as a musician, somebody musical, someone who's worked in and has experience of the music industry, etc., you get the picture. Today I received the following post on my page:

(Identity obscured to protect the poster)

In case you can't see above, it says "I gotta studio I go to every weekend but I need my own equitment so if you would like to help me with the funds inbox me".

Apart from the obvious terrible spelling and grammar, which I'm trying not to judge the person for, what I am judging them for is the terrible motive behind this post! As you can see above, they've tagged myself and 48 other people in this post, then went straight ahead lazily asking for money with a very vague explanation as to why! No please, no thank you, simply putting their hand out for some of my hard earned money.

As my more regular readers may have noticed, I posted about crowd funding initiatives and my conflicting feelings towards these sites a little while ago. Is this the evolution of crowd funding? I can't be bothered to work so I'll just post on a few Facebook pages and keep my fingers crossed?

What on earth is going on???? 

My big question is this. Has this actually worked for this person? Has anyone been generous/stupid enough to inbox this person saying "Hey, I have no idea what you want this for but here's a hundred bucks! Just shut up and take my money!"

In what world is this how we make, market and love each others music? 

My Experience of Crowdfunding and Why I Would Recommend You Stay Clear of It; 90% of cases should probably avoid, the other 10% go right ahead, you'll do great!

Today I had a quiet day at work spending nearly the whole day at my desk. I had my headphones on and Nirvana's Heart Shaped Box came up on my playlist. I haven't heard that song for years and it made me incredibly nostalgic; I remembered how excited I was when I bought my first Nirvana album. I wasn't even a teenager yet, it was the first album I ever bought and by that time it was already over ten years old. I think if I remember correctly it cost me £8. I suddenly felt shocked as I realised I'd actually gone to the record store specifically to buy it. Music was only just becoming downloadable at this point and there was that whole thing with Napster going on and.....well you know what I mean. 

Back then we had to wait to buy our music and I feel incredibly old saying that. I used that purchase to start a neat little row of thin plastic boxes that I kept next to my CD player. Not a day goes by when I don't listen to music and I own neither a CD player nor a single CD! I know it's a pretty petty way of arriving at this conclusion, but the world has definitely changed. 

I wondered what it was like for bands back in Nirvana's day. Dave Grohl is still very much on the go and he's carved a life out of this industry. Trying to follow in his footsteps after the internet has made everything public property seems impossible. 

Seeing as I was running down the clock until quitting time today (and it was Friday!) I ended up on youtube and just so happened to be looking when this newly released acoustic cover of Heart Shaped Box popped up. It's by some amateur and it has a few slightly ropey notes in places, but they've completely changed the instrumentation and it's a pretty clever take on a classic. 

This is what brings me to crowdfunding and why I would recommend you stay clear of it unless you're 100% certain you're going to succeed. Under no circumstances should you take a "Suck it and See" attitude towards this type of thing and I'll explain why. 

Some time ago, my band were desperate to release a five track EP. Every gig we'd play we were asked at least a handful of times if we had any CD's to sell. We didn't, so always referred people to our iTunes account. By the time they'd gotten home, they'd forgotten who we were, how to spell our name or that they even liked us in the first place. We worked out it would cost us roughly £6,500 to record, mix, master, promote, etc. As fate had it, we were contacted online by a company who were starting a new crowdfunding website and wanted us to be an endorsing act for the brand. They offered us free promotion for our campaign and said we'd be used as a success story when the company launched.

At this point, there was no need to be suspicious. Crowdfunding has been in the public eye since 2007 when Radiohead released their album "Rainbows" using a 'pay what you think it's worth' offer. Over 3 million people paid for the album and it was their biggest commercial success so far. I remember hearing about it and being captivated by the idea that I could buy an abum for a penny (not that I did, that would have been so mean!)

It wasn't an easy decision for us to make. Some of us were hesitant to use what could be interpreted as internet begging to fund our next release, and it wasn't the only option available to us. We were all talented musicians and quick learners and I firmly believed we could set ourselves up as a covers band for a few months and raise the money by playing weddings and other paid opportunities.

"The campaign bombed. Not only did it die a slow and painful death, it tore our reputation to shreds along the way. A failed campaign is not a promising indicator of your ability to sell your music."

We were all itching to get back in the studio and use the EP to take our careers to the next level, so in the end we agreed and set to work. The company advised us on how to set up our profile and asked us to make a video explaining why we needed the money. As with all crowdfunding platforms, we were to offer our 'backers' rewards that would correspond to varying levels of financial commitment. 

This was hard to do. The only thing we could really offer them was a copy of the EP which didn't exist yet or perhaps a gig at a location of their choice for a bigger financial contribution. We copied the blueprint of a band who had previously run a successful campaign; hoping our rewards would appeal and we would draw in more backers. 

The campaign bombed. And not only did it die a slow and painful death, it tore our reputation to shreds along the way. Family members of the band were supportive, chucking in about 500pounds between them. We were lucky enough to receive a minimal amount of small donations from randomers on the internet. After that, all we received was criticism; the constant updates on social media annoyed people and one person even went out of their way to contact us and verbally abuse us after we popped up on his Facebook wall somehow. 

To make things worse, the company running the campaign made us do all the legwork, offered little support and harassed us if the total didn't move each day. They were taking a top slice of any money we received, so it was in their best interest that we kept harassing people and begging for their money. Worse still was that we started receiving reports that people attempting to pay online were being directed to some dodgy looking foreign website that they didn't understand. 

A week before the deadline and the total was looking pitiful. We were again harassed by the company who suggested that the band should put our money into the campaign (allowing them to take their top slice!) as nobody wants to have an unsuccessful crowdfunding campaign on their hands and we would loose the little bit of money already in the pot.

What shocked me even more was that it was actually discussed at band practise as if it was a viable option. One member explained that it was money we'd spend anyway at some point down the line but when someone else chimed in that they refused to pay an external company money for nothing, I breathed a sigh of relief and the whole sorry incident was put to bed.

My advice to you is simple; please don't do this unless you're sure you're going to succeed. Through this process, we p*ssed a lot of people off and what hurt the most was that a failed crowdfunding campaign is a big black mark on a band's history. It shows that there is not enough support for your product to make it commercially viable and people really take note of this. If you can't sell your music outside of your circle of family and friends, you're in real trouble. All crowdfunding really does is highlight this in a really public way. There is no doubt in my mind that record label and industry scouts watch crowdfunding platforms like hawks, trying to smell what's selling and jump on it before someone else does. Bombing out on one of these sites will set you back.

The decision is yours. Please make up your own minds, but please be sensible and think it through!

Why Douche is the Most Appropriate Phonetic in Fiduciary Matters; the world thinks it’s ok to ask artists to work for free…. and occasionally I kind of agree.

I really can’t tell you the name of the company involved in this, but this is pretty shocking. So let’s begin…

Some time ago, my band were invited to play at a corporate event. We’d just finished a run of festival appearances, were getting a small amount of airplay on commercial radio and receiving weekly press enquiries. We were keen to keep the ball rolling, and happy to play as many shows as possible, we accepted.

The event was for a big corporation who have branches all over the country. They were planning on opening a new branch and requested only a 30 minute set – “just a little something to get the customers pumped up”. At this juncture, our store contact pointed out that they couldn’t actually pay us, but in exchange for our time, they would feature the band on the homepage of their website and on the accompanying press release about the store opening. The fatal words “It’ll be great exposure for you guys” were uttered, and with that, the transaction was considered valid.

 A week before the gig, we were informed that a performance area had been set up in the parking lot with a stage and what we were told was a “full band setup, just bring your instruments and your own guitar and bass amps”. We continued to check the company’s website for our not-so-free advertising, but nothing appeared. It’s pretty poor etiquette to announce an event before the host does, so nothing about the gig went out on our social networks either. To make matters worse, nobody from the store would respond to our enquiries about the sound system setup, so we had no idea if the venue would be able to cater for our technical specifications.

48 hours before the gig and we’d had enough. The issue was passed over to band management, who sent a rather curt email requesting the corporation hold up their end of the deal or we’d be forced to pull the plug. Problem was – there wasn’t even a plug to pull!

The response was astounding. It was put to us that as the band, we were expected to provide our own sound system and should have sorted this by now. If we were unable to provide this at this late stage, perhaps only our singer and guitarist should perform. When we tried to explain that this wasn’t possible, our booking contact just didn’t understand that a microphone actually needs to be plugged into something to get sound out of it. Shouting her way through our songs over the noise of a busy store would not be an option and we just didn’t have a street-busker style setup we could use.

So, as we were:

• 1.       Unwilling/unable to shell out a few hundred bucks for PA system hire.
• 2.       Unwilling/unable to shell out a few hundred bucks for a van to transport the PA system.
• 3.       Unwilling/unable to spend hours setting up and dismantling a PA system for a 30 minute            gig.
• 4.       Not given our advertising; no sign of any press release with our logo, images, web links on        it, no offer of reimbursement for the expense this would incur.
• 5.       Getting nothing 

We had to pull out.

It was shocking to us that a big corporation like this couldn’t flick us a few hundred bucks for our time, or even sort out the necessary setup we’d need to play some music in their store. What made it even worse was that they were a specialist audio visual entertainment company! Shocking or what?

It’s pretty frustrating that 90% of the world seems to think it’s ok to ask artists to work for free. All those years spent learning your craft and coming up with something fresh and original are suddenly worthless and at times it seems implied that anybody pulled in off the street could do it too – so just get on with it and consider yourself lucky it’s you up there.  But sometimes, I occasionally see where they have a point.

The biggest show I ever played, I played for free.

Actually, at a rough estimate, I played this show for -$800 and it was worth every cent it cost me to get organised for it. A long hot summer some time ago, the group I was with were offered to play on one of the side stages of a pretty significant music festival. Somehow, the stars aligned and we managed to land this gig alongside some big name acts. As a relatively unheard of band, we were told straight up we wouldn’t be paid for this show as we needed it more than they needed us. It would have been just as easy for the festival organisers to have had that side stage sitting empty for the 45 minute slot we were offered and they would have lost no income from taking that option. Instead, they offered us a chance and we had no other choice than to jump on that thing like Van Halen instructed.

When I look back on this, if you care enough about something, have thrown thousands of dollars into it over the years, gotten yourself into and out of debt over it multiple times – what’s another $800 to pay for your lucky break?