8 Reasons why being in a band is like being in a Long Term Relationship

Being in band can be intense at times. It's been one of those months, and sometimes I've wondered if life would be easier if we just cut out the middle man and married each other. Yes, it would mean a trip to Utah to legalise a five-way-wedding, but Utah is right next to Vegas - which would make for one hell of a honeymoon! Here's my list of 8 reasons why being in a band can sometimes feel like you're in a long term relationship - with four other people.



1. Borrowing each other's stuff without asking.


If I had a dollar for every time I'd gone in my case to find my tuner, lead, 9 volt, spare string, whatever..... only to find it missing or not how I left it, I would be very rich indeed. But, I give as good as I get and at present, only 75% of the strings on my guitar were paid for with my money. So, that one balances itself out!





2. Knowing where each other is, every day of the week!

Keeping track of each other has it's merits; it's hard to book a gig if you don't know if everyone's available and that expensive rehearsal room won't be free just because you left it to sit empty for a week. Having to put in for your three day trip to visit your family home six months in advance is pushing though - so watch out for control freaks!


3. You have "mutual friends".

If your band gigs regularly, chances are you'll meet each others friends. Meet them often enough and they'll become yours too. I recently went through my Facebook friends list to send out invites to a gig, and discovered to my horror that I knew less than twenty people in my area who weren't mutual friends of "Insert Band Name Here".



Those twenty event invites went a long way to getting the numbers up at our gig - NOT!!!

4. Arguments about money.

The music industry is an industry and it requires an input of cash from somewhere. Whenever it requires a cash injection from you; be it expensive studio fees, band merchandising costs, or top quality CD pressings, try not to argue about it! Like a relationship, it only slows things down and wastes energy.

Unlike a relationship, the making up afterwards is nowhere near as good!

5. Spending way too much time together.

When a group of creative types work well together, it can be hard to switch off and tune out for a while. In my current situation, musical matters get discussed nearly everyday. There's trips to the pub to check out other bands, weekly rehearsals, gigs at least once a week, piling into each others living rooms for an emergency song writing session......a night off just doesn't seem to exist. But if your band are buddies, being in constant demand can be one of the best things! Just watch out if your significant other asks you flat out if you're still in a relationship and feels the needs to add "with just the two of us?"

6.  Meeting the family.

When your band gets to the level where it needs the kind of time commitment a full-time job would, it's only natural your paths will cross with each other's families. This is also a big plus in my book; especially if you're a mixed gender band. Some of my band buddies Mrs's are my best friends and all those late nights and absent weekends won't raise any suspicious eyebrows if partners are kept in the mix.

7. Moving in together - sort of.

If things start to hot up with your musical act, it's only a matter of time until you have to expand your horizons and play gigs outside of your home town. When this happens, you may find yourself sharing a car, a hotel room, or even a tour bus with them. It's these times in the lifespan of a band when you discover just how small a drummers bladder can really be, and wonder whether or not you should just stick your finger up there yourself to see how inflamed that prostate is really getting.








8. Celebrating significant life events together. 

Just like that scene from Guns N' Roses "November Rain", you may find yourself tearing up at the sight of one of your bandies getting married. This has happened to me twice and has been the only two moments in my life when it's been remotely acceptable for me to compare myself to Slash.

For better or worse, for richer or poorer, being in a band is one of life's most awesome adventures and I wouldn't change it for the world!

Why Douche is the Most Appropriate Phonetic in Fiduciary Matters; the world thinks it’s ok to ask artists to work for free…. and occasionally I kind of agree.

I really can’t tell you the name of the company involved in this, but this is pretty shocking. So let’s begin…

Some time ago, my band were invited to play at a corporate event. We’d just finished a run of festival appearances, were getting a small amount of airplay on commercial radio and receiving weekly press enquiries. We were keen to keep the ball rolling, and happy to play as many shows as possible, we accepted.

The event was for a big corporation who have branches all over the country. They were planning on opening a new branch and requested only a 30 minute set – “just a little something to get the customers pumped up”. At this juncture, our store contact pointed out that they couldn’t actually pay us, but in exchange for our time, they would feature the band on the homepage of their website and on the accompanying press release about the store opening. The fatal words “It’ll be great exposure for you guys” were uttered, and with that, the transaction was considered valid.

 A week before the gig, we were informed that a performance area had been set up in the parking lot with a stage and what we were told was a “full band setup, just bring your instruments and your own guitar and bass amps”. We continued to check the company’s website for our not-so-free advertising, but nothing appeared. It’s pretty poor etiquette to announce an event before the host does, so nothing about the gig went out on our social networks either. To make matters worse, nobody from the store would respond to our enquiries about the sound system setup, so we had no idea if the venue would be able to cater for our technical specifications.

48 hours before the gig and we’d had enough. The issue was passed over to band management, who sent a rather curt email requesting the corporation hold up their end of the deal or we’d be forced to pull the plug. Problem was – there wasn’t even a plug to pull!

The response was astounding. It was put to us that as the band, we were expected to provide our own sound system and should have sorted this by now. If we were unable to provide this at this late stage, perhaps only our singer and guitarist should perform. When we tried to explain that this wasn’t possible, our booking contact just didn’t understand that a microphone actually needs to be plugged into something to get sound out of it. Shouting her way through our songs over the noise of a busy store would not be an option and we just didn’t have a street-busker style setup we could use.

So, as we were:

• 1.       Unwilling/unable to shell out a few hundred bucks for PA system hire.
• 2.       Unwilling/unable to shell out a few hundred bucks for a van to transport the PA system.
• 3.       Unwilling/unable to spend hours setting up and dismantling a PA system for a 30 minute            gig.
• 4.       Not given our advertising; no sign of any press release with our logo, images, web links on        it, no offer of reimbursement for the expense this would incur.
• 5.       Getting nothing 

We had to pull out.

It was shocking to us that a big corporation like this couldn’t flick us a few hundred bucks for our time, or even sort out the necessary setup we’d need to play some music in their store. What made it even worse was that they were a specialist audio visual entertainment company! Shocking or what?

It’s pretty frustrating that 90% of the world seems to think it’s ok to ask artists to work for free. All those years spent learning your craft and coming up with something fresh and original are suddenly worthless and at times it seems implied that anybody pulled in off the street could do it too – so just get on with it and consider yourself lucky it’s you up there.  But sometimes, I occasionally see where they have a point.

The biggest show I ever played, I played for free.

Actually, at a rough estimate, I played this show for -$800 and it was worth every cent it cost me to get organised for it. A long hot summer some time ago, the group I was with were offered to play on one of the side stages of a pretty significant music festival. Somehow, the stars aligned and we managed to land this gig alongside some big name acts. As a relatively unheard of band, we were told straight up we wouldn’t be paid for this show as we needed it more than they needed us. It would have been just as easy for the festival organisers to have had that side stage sitting empty for the 45 minute slot we were offered and they would have lost no income from taking that option. Instead, they offered us a chance and we had no other choice than to jump on that thing like Van Halen instructed.

When I look back on this, if you care enough about something, have thrown thousands of dollars into it over the years, gotten yourself into and out of debt over it multiple times – what’s another $800 to pay for your lucky break?