8 Reasons why being in a band is like being in a Long Term Relationship

Being in band can be intense at times. It's been one of those months, and sometimes I've wondered if life would be easier if we just cut out the middle man and married each other. Yes, it would mean a trip to Utah to legalise a five-way-wedding, but Utah is right next to Vegas - which would make for one hell of a honeymoon! Here's my list of 8 reasons why being in a band can sometimes feel like you're in a long term relationship - with four other people.



1. Borrowing each other's stuff without asking.


If I had a dollar for every time I'd gone in my case to find my tuner, lead, 9 volt, spare string, whatever..... only to find it missing or not how I left it, I would be very rich indeed. But, I give as good as I get and at present, only 75% of the strings on my guitar were paid for with my money. So, that one balances itself out!





2. Knowing where each other is, every day of the week!

Keeping track of each other has it's merits; it's hard to book a gig if you don't know if everyone's available and that expensive rehearsal room won't be free just because you left it to sit empty for a week. Having to put in for your three day trip to visit your family home six months in advance is pushing though - so watch out for control freaks!


3. You have "mutual friends".

If your band gigs regularly, chances are you'll meet each others friends. Meet them often enough and they'll become yours too. I recently went through my Facebook friends list to send out invites to a gig, and discovered to my horror that I knew less than twenty people in my area who weren't mutual friends of "Insert Band Name Here".



Those twenty event invites went a long way to getting the numbers up at our gig - NOT!!!

4. Arguments about money.

The music industry is an industry and it requires an input of cash from somewhere. Whenever it requires a cash injection from you; be it expensive studio fees, band merchandising costs, or top quality CD pressings, try not to argue about it! Like a relationship, it only slows things down and wastes energy.

Unlike a relationship, the making up afterwards is nowhere near as good!

5. Spending way too much time together.

When a group of creative types work well together, it can be hard to switch off and tune out for a while. In my current situation, musical matters get discussed nearly everyday. There's trips to the pub to check out other bands, weekly rehearsals, gigs at least once a week, piling into each others living rooms for an emergency song writing session......a night off just doesn't seem to exist. But if your band are buddies, being in constant demand can be one of the best things! Just watch out if your significant other asks you flat out if you're still in a relationship and feels the needs to add "with just the two of us?"

6.  Meeting the family.

When your band gets to the level where it needs the kind of time commitment a full-time job would, it's only natural your paths will cross with each other's families. This is also a big plus in my book; especially if you're a mixed gender band. Some of my band buddies Mrs's are my best friends and all those late nights and absent weekends won't raise any suspicious eyebrows if partners are kept in the mix.

7. Moving in together - sort of.

If things start to hot up with your musical act, it's only a matter of time until you have to expand your horizons and play gigs outside of your home town. When this happens, you may find yourself sharing a car, a hotel room, or even a tour bus with them. It's these times in the lifespan of a band when you discover just how small a drummers bladder can really be, and wonder whether or not you should just stick your finger up there yourself to see how inflamed that prostate is really getting.








8. Celebrating significant life events together. 

Just like that scene from Guns N' Roses "November Rain", you may find yourself tearing up at the sight of one of your bandies getting married. This has happened to me twice and has been the only two moments in my life when it's been remotely acceptable for me to compare myself to Slash.

For better or worse, for richer or poorer, being in a band is one of life's most awesome adventures and I wouldn't change it for the world!

A Lesson in Second-Guessing Yourself; how doubt can be like a boner in a strip club.

I thought I'd kick this thing off by sharing my opinions with you on how doubt can be your worst enemy and your best friend in the world of music. Your worst enemy is probably a good place to start; it's something I wish I'd realised much sooner and I'll use some personal experiences to show how deep it can run.

When I was a youngster, one of my first experiences of working on a collaboration with other artists came at university. The lecturer assigned us groups of what I suppose he thought was equal weighting in terms of skill selection. I remember only one person who was assigned to my group that day; a much older student who was twice my age and identified as a "producer". I really didn't know what he meant by this but I soon came to learn it was his misused, glorified label for a DJ. He always carried a laptop on him, although I only ever saw it used for taking notes on Microsoft Word or playing the occasional CD, and he played no instruments or had any knowledge of Pro Tools, Logic, Sibelius, etc. Our task was simple; we were to work on writing a piece of music together, that fitted some shaky guidelines our lecturer had set.

I was really into using Cubase (the digital audio workstation, for those of you who aren't techies)  at the time; I found it quick and easy and the piano sound was realistic enough for me to scam my way through composition assignments. So, the group and I decided the quickest way to get the job done would be to throw together some drum loops for this "producer" to run some "beats" over the top.

The following week, disc in hand, I turned up for class and Mr Producer popped my Cubase export into his infamous laptop. I expected him to at least just give it a listen and then maybe start with the beat-running-over-the-topping - but no. As the other members of the group gathered round (contributing nothing, by the way) he began to mock the track.

"OMG, the drums are flat! Listen to this, those drums are well flat!" His face twisted into a grimace as he tried to show how terribly out of tune these drums- these drums created using a software program set to perfect pitch with not a single live instrument in use - sounded.

"Urgh, listen to that!" He continued, gesturing for the rest of the group to get involved. One by one, they began exchanging looks with each other and nodding. He'd won them all over.

He'd won me over. Much older, much more dominant and much louder than me, I didn't dare question him. The logical part of me was sure it was impossible for this standardised electronic signal to be out of tune. The experienced musician in me knew that a drum kit was not an instrument that required 'tuning' in the conventional sense of the word, but more of a toning process through tightening heads. The band-mate in me was scanning back through images of drum keys and socket wrenches, but failed to find a memory of a tuner or any kind of pitch-measuring device.

But there it was; the smothering feeling of doubt and the constant questioning that popped up every five minutes like a boner in a strip club. Assuming there must be something I just didn't understand, I took back my disc, melted into the peripheries with the onlookers of the group, and let Mr Producer submit his beat track as our collaborative assignment; for which we all scored abysmal marks.

It wasn't until a few years later, when the b*llshit in the music arena finally wore too thin, that I was able to see the truth. I was backstage at a music festival in Australia on a day so hot I could see a bushfire in the distance and was checking my tuning in case my bass strings had expanded in the heat. At this point, another Mr Producer type walked over to me and stated loudly on front of the entire crew that I was doing it wrong. "Don't bother tuning that thing," he said. "It's too hot, you'll go flat. Just open it up." I couldn't figure out what he meant so I said nothing and just looked at him, confused. "It's got something in it, it's called a truss rod," he continued, speaking slower this time. "You'll need to give that a couple of turns".

I thought he was joking and laughed while he stared at me blankly. "Seriously, adjust that thing. I give mine a few turns every time I play it". And with that, he walked off. We can discuss what's wrong with this entire example another time, if need be, but it served a purpose for me. What he said was absolute crap and I knew it. But still, that familiar feeling washed over me and for a split second, my brain went on auto pilot as I felt my hands go to turn the bass over and see what kind of Allen key would take the truss rod cover off.

And at that moment, the foot came crashing down! I just couldn't do it to myself anymore...

Like hell was that a good suggestion! Like hell had I been tuning my bass wrong after nearly thirteen years of playing! Like hell was I supposed to adjust the neck before every time I played my bass since the day I started! And like hell was that drum track flat!

You may or may not have your own moment when you just snap and can't take any more of it. I'm happy I had mine, but wish it had come sooner. After years of second-guessing myself, some of the theories I've entertained have been ridiculous. A particular peach came from another former classmate of mine who had me believing that if I took a guitar on an aeroplane, the air pressure changing in the cabin would snap the guitar neck in half (???????????)

Ultimately, all these silly little things people have had me believing over the years have been counter-productive. There comes a time when you have to accept that you may not know everything, you may not get it right 100% of the time, but that if you've worked hard and earned your stripes chances are you do know your stuff and can stay grounded on that. Hold that ground, you're going to need it in this business for sure.